One of the most common questions we receive is: Why do you still wear condoms if you’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for five years? And we get it! Many people assume that once a couple is exclusive, condoms become unnecessary. But for us, the answer is a little more complex.
Like many couples, we experimented with different contraceptive methods. I (Lola) started with the pill, but within two weeks, I realized I was forgetting to take it almost every day. That clearly wasn’t going to work for me, so I switched to a contraceptive implant. It was supposed to be a convenient, worry-free option, but over time, I noticed a shift in my personality. I wasn’t exactly depressed, but life felt… muted. The colors weren’t as bright, my emotions felt dulled, and I just didn’t feel like myself anymore.
After doing some research, I learned more about the effects of hormonal birth control on mood, personality, and even partner preference. Some studies even suggest that hormonal contraception can influence who you’re attracted to, and even change your perception of your partner when you stop taking it. That idea freaked me out.
In general, we prioritize our health and try to be mindful of what we put in our bodies, we eat clean, no processed foods, etc. So the idea of taking synthetic hormones daily for years on end just didn’t sit right with us. Ultimately, I decided hormonal birth control wasn’t for me, which left us with only one reliable, non-hormonal option: condoms.
This is where people get even more confused: If condoms are your only form of contraception, how do you sometimes go without them?
The answer is simple: we use something called “fertility awareness-based methods” (FAM). Over the years, I’ve tracked my menstrual cycle closely and learned that my cycle is very regular: typically 28 days, sometimes 27 or 29. Because of this, I can predict my ovulation window fairly accurately.
We follow a conservative approach to natural family planning: we have unprotected sex only during the days when pregnancy is highly unlikely (days 1-8 and days 19-28 of my cycle). During my fertile window (around days 9-18), we always use condoms. This method requires consistency and attention to detail, but it has worked for us for four years.
For those considering fertility tracking, there are additional tools to increase accuracy, like tracking basal body temperature, monitoring cervical mucus, or using cycle-tracking apps. However, this method isn’t for everyone, and if your cycle is irregular, it may not be reliable. Always consult a doctor before relying on FAM as your primary method of contraception.
One thing we’ve come to appreciate about using condoms is that it makes our “condom-free” week feel extra special. Since we use condoms most of the month, the time when we don’t feels like a treat. Every month we get that special week where we have this skin on skin contact and it feels super special. I remember in past relationship where it just becomes the norm and don’t even realise that anymore. Not having that “touch” for a part of the month makes you super aware of the sensations when you do have it. Instead of seeing condoms as an inconvenience, we see them as a way to break routine and add variety to our sex life.
Many men resist using condoms in long-term relationships, and we get it! It’s not considered as “cool”. It’s not manly. It’s makes you feel like a teenager again. It doesn’t feel quite as good as without.
But what I (James) realised is: what is definitely not cool or manly is to not take any form of responsibility. Saying you love your girlfriend but that contraception is 100% her responsibility is weird to me. Do I like condoms? Not really, but I also kind of got used to them. Is there a perfect birth control solution? Unfortunately not yet.
But if it comes down to: “Do I wear a condom for a series or short moment during intercourse during a few days of the month, or do I let my gf take hormones every day knowing that they might have negative side effects? I’ll take the condoms every time, it’s an easy decision. See how I stressed the “might” in that previous sentence?
Even if you don’t believe in the side effects, even if it’s just a 10% possibility and your partner seem fine with the pill, would you take the chance?
Contraception is something women are expected to endure so that men don’t have to wear a thin piece of latex.
I believe real masculinity includes taking responsibility for your partner’s well-being. If wearing a condom means your partner doesn’t have to deal with potential health risks, isn’t that a small price to pay? We hope to see a mindset shift where men are more willing to share the responsibility of contraception, rather than leaving it solely to their partners.
We know our approach isn’t the norm, and we understand why most couples opt out of condoms once they’re in a committed relationship. But for us, prioritizing health and sharing contraceptive responsibility makes condoms the best option.
We’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re in a long-term relationship, what contraception method do you use? Guys if you’re reading this and are in a relationship, would you consider wearing condoms even in a serious relationship? Let us know in the comments, curious to have a conversation about this.
We offer two courses: For Men and For Women.
Each course can be taken independently, but they were designed to complement one another. For the best results, we recommend that both partners take their respective version.
