One of the most common questions we receive is: Why do you still wear condoms if you’ve been in a committed, monogamous relationship for four years? It’s understandable—many people assume that once a couple is exclusive, condoms become unnecessary. But for us, the answer is a little more complex.
Like many couples, we experimented with different contraceptive methods. I (Lola) started with the pill, but within two weeks, I realized I was forgetting to take it almost every day. That clearly wasn’t going to work for me, so I switched to a contraceptive implant. It was supposed to be a convenient, worry-free option, but over time, I noticed a shift in my personality. I wasn’t exactly depressed, but life felt... muted. The colors weren’t as bright, my emotions felt dulled, and I just didn’t feel like myself anymore.
After doing some research, I learned more about the effects of hormonal birth control on mood, personality, and even partner preference. Some studies suggest that hormonal contraception can influence who you're attracted to—and even change your perception of your partner when you stop taking it. That idea freaked me out.
We also prioritize our health and try to be mindful of what we put in our bodies, so the idea of taking synthetic hormones for years on end just didn’t sit right with us. Ultimately, we decided hormonal birth control wasn’t for me, which left us with only one reliable, non-hormonal option: condoms.
The second question we get is: If condoms are your only form of contraception, how do you sometimes go without them?
The answer is simple: we use fertility awareness-based methods (FAM). Over the years, I’ve tracked my menstrual cycle closely and learned that my cycle is very regular—typically 28 days, sometimes 27 or 29. Because of this, I can predict my ovulation window fairly accurately.
We follow a conservative approach to natural family planning: we have unprotected sex only during the days when pregnancy is highly unlikely (days 1-8 and days 19-28 of my cycle). During my fertile window (around days 9-18), we always use condoms. This method requires consistency and attention to detail, but it has worked for us for four years.
For those considering fertility tracking, there are additional tools to increase accuracy, like tracking basal body temperature, monitoring cervical mucus, or using cycle-tracking apps. However, this method isn’t for everyone, and if your cycle is irregular, it may not be reliable. Always consult a doctor before relying on FAM as your primary method of contraception.
One thing we’ve come to appreciate about using condoms is that it makes our “condom-free” week feel extra special. Since we use condoms most of the month, the time when we don’t feels like a treat—it’s almost like a little celebration of intimacy. Instead of seeing condoms as an inconvenience, we see them as a way to break routine and add variety to our sex life.
Many men resist using condoms in long-term relationships, claiming they don’t feel as good. But what often gets overlooked is how much the responsibility for contraception tends to fall on women. Hormonal birth control has side effects—some mild, some severe—but it’s something women are expected to endure so that men don’t have to wear a thin piece of latex.
We believe real masculinity includes taking responsibility for your partner’s well-being. If wearing a condom means your partner doesn’t have to deal with potential health risks, isn’t that a small price to pay? We hope to see a mindset shift where men are more willing to share the responsibility of contraception, rather than leaving it solely to their partners.
We know our approach isn’t the norm, and we understand why most couples opt out of condoms once they’re in a committed relationship. But for us, prioritizing health, maintaining intimacy, and sharing contraceptive responsibility makes condoms the best option.
We’d love to hear your thoughts! If you’re in a long-term relationship, what contraception method do you use? And guys—would you consider wearing condoms even in a serious relationship?
Let us know in the comments!
