This morning I tried something new. I ended up on Aida Lucie’s YouTube channel (Lola recommended her) and landed on a video called pussy breathing (sometimes called yoni breathing).
Aida is a mentor in sexuality and feminine energy, with nearly a decade of experience helping women reconnect with their sensuality, self-love, and inner feminine strength. So I figured, why not, she knows what she’s doing.
The practice sounded simple: breathe, and in rhythm with that breath, release and tighten the muscles of your vagina. Inhale, soften. Exhale, contract. At first it felt awkward, mechanical. But a few minutes later, something shifted.
Out of nowhere, I started crying. Sobbing, actually.
I didn’t expect it at all. It was like a wave rising up from my body before my mind could catch it. And it hit me: maybe I’m holding more tension, maybe even trauma, in that part of me than I’ve ever admitted.
The tears scared me a little, but they also felt like a release. A reminder of how much we carry in our bodies: sexual trauma, emotional wounds, years of disconnection, performance. The list could go on. I guess I buried things so deep I didn’t notice it until this simple practice – just breathing with the pelvic floor – cracked it open.
I’ve been sitting with it today asking myself: how much more is stored there? What else have I been too scared, distracted, or disconnected to face?
Growth is hard. Change is hard. But I know I won’t find the freedom I’m craving unless I keep leaning into these moments. Even when they feel raw and overwhelming. Especially then.
It all seems so easy for my girlfriend. She gets wet, she gets excited, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. Meanwhile, I’m reading, listening, writing, trying new things, wanting to process and understand every angle of sex and desire. She just…feels it. No barrier. No overthinking.
Esther Perel writes in Mating in Captivity about how intimacy and desire don’t always live in the same house, that sometimes naming things too much can kill the erotic tension. Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe I’m just the kind of creature who needs both..the words and the practice. I’ll think about that more.
This morning was intense, yes, but also eye-opening. My body clearly has more to teach me. And I want to keep listening.
♡ Anna
We offer two courses: For Men and For Women.
Each course can be taken independently, but they were designed to complement one another. For the best results, we recommend that both partners take their respective version.
