We’ve filmed almost 400 sex tapes together.
And as strange as that sentence sounds, it would not be an exaggeration to say that it’s been one of the best things we’ve ever done for our relationship.
Not because we learned crazy positions or became better at “performing” for the camera. Actually, most of the things that changed had very little to do with the sex itself.
Filming ourselves changed the way we saw our bodies, the way we communicated, the way we explored new things together, and even the way we understood our own insecurities.
Of course, this is not something every couple needs to do. It requires complete trust, enthusiastic consent, and feeling completely safe with the person you’re sharing that experience with.
But if you’ve ever been curious about making a sex tape with your partner, here are five unexpected ways it changed our relationship.
The funny thing about filming yourself having sex is that most people assume it would make you more insecure.
We thought the same.
Watching yourself from the outside sounds terrifying when most of us already struggle seeing one bad photo someone took of us. But strangely, the opposite happened.
For me (Lola), it helped me realize that my idea of a “sexy body” was way too limited. I always associated sensuality with curves, big boobs, a certain type of feminine shape. And because my body didn’t match that, I never really saw myself as a very sexual person.
But watching myself changed my perspective.
I wasn’t looking at my body like a checklist of things I had or didn’t have. I was seeing myself moving, expressing desire, connecting with James.
And I realized that being sexy has so much more to do with the way you inhabit your body than the way your body looks.
For me (James), it showed me insecurities I didn’t even know I had. I realized I was comfortable being naked, but not necessarily comfortable being seen, I would sometimes rush some parts of try to physically “close the distance” between us. Like one of the scariest things for me was a challenge we did a while back where we are masturbating in front of each other but sitting on opposite couches, from a distance, no touching. Super vulnerable!
The camera forced both of us to see ourselves through each other’s eyes, and that was surprisingly healing.
Before filming ourselves, we had a good sex life, but we didn’t really talk about sex.
And we think that’s true for a lot of couples.
The problem is: when are you supposed to have those conversations?
During sex can feel too intense. After sex can feel like you’re giving your partner a performance review. And randomly bringing it up during the day feels awkward if you’ve never done it before.
Watching our videos together changed that because it created some distance. It adds a third perspective that’s less direct, less confrontational.
We weren’t criticizing each other. We were looking at something we created together.
Instead of:
“You should do this differently.”
The conversation became:
“I loved that moment.”
“We should do more of this.”
“What if we tried this next time?”
And sexual communication is definitely a skill: the first time feels uncomfortable because you’ve never practiced. But the more we talked, the easier it became.
Like many couples who have been together for a while, we had found our sexual comfort zone. We knew what we liked, what worked for both of us, and we naturally ended up repeating the same things because… why change something that works?
And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that. Having that level of comfort with someone is one of the best parts of a long-term relationship. But we also noticed that comfort can very slowly turn into routine, not because you stop being attracted to each other, but simply because trying new things requires effort.
That’s probably one of the biggest changes that came from filming ourselves. It gave us an excuse to finally do all the things we would normally just talk about and never actually do.
We all have those ideas: a toy you saw somewhere and thought could be fun. A fantasy you talked about once. A different way to set up the room or create a different atmosphere. But then life happens, you’re busy, you’re tired, and six months later it’s still just an idea.
For us, making videos became this little push to actually follow through. It gave us an excuse. We weren’t just having sex, we were creating something together. And because we wanted to create something beautiful and exciting, it naturally pushed us to put more intention and creativity into our sex life.
One of the most unexpected changes was Lola’s relationship with her own body, which is something we don’t think women are encouraged to talk about very often.
For a lot of men, their genitals are something they see and interact with constantly from a very young age. For women, it can be completely different. Your vulva is part of your own body, but it’s also something you don’t naturally see every day, so it can become this slightly mysterious thing you wonder about more than you actually know.
Before filming, Lola would sometimes feel a bit tense in moments where she felt very exposed, especially during oral sex or certain positions. Not because she wasn’t enjoying it, but because part of her attention was going toward what James was seeing and whether everything looked “normal”.
Watching the videos changed that because it made the unknown familiar. Instead of imagining what James was seeing, she could actually see it herself. And the more familiar that part of her body became, the less there was to worry about.
That was incredibly freeing, not only for Lola but for both of us. Because when one person stops holding back, even in a very subtle way, the whole dynamic changes. There is less self-consciousness, less tension, and more space to simply enjoy what’s happening.
The biggest surprise was that filming didn’t only make the sex itself more exciting. It changed everything around it.
Before filming, there’s the anticipation. You talk about an idea, you imagine how it could look or feel, you start getting excited before anything has even happened. That buildup became a kind of foreplay for us, because the experience didn’t start when we pressed record. It started the moment we began talking about what we wanted to create together.
During sex, the camera adds another layer. At first, it can make you self-conscious, and we think that’s completely normal. You’re aware of how you look, you wonder if the angle is flattering, and it takes a bit of time before you stop thinking about the camera so much. But once you become comfortable, that feeling can shift into something very exciting. You get turned on by knowing that you’re capturing what’s happening and that you’ll get to rewatch it afterwards.
And then after, you have this memory you created together. Sometimes we watch the videos together, sometimes separately (your porn is the best porn, there’s something so hot about watching your own sex), and often it gives us new ideas or reminds us of things we loved and want to do again. It created this cycle where the videos inspired more desire and fantasies, more conversations, more experimentation, and so on.
After almost 400 videos, we’re still discovering new things about each other. And maybe that’s the biggest lesson: making sex tapes didn’t change our relationship because of the camera itself. The camera was just an excuse to communicate more, experiment more, and look at ourselves and each other differently. And we think you should try it too!
We offer two courses: For Men and For Women.
Each course can be taken independently, but they were designed to complement one another. For the best results, we recommend that both partners take their respective version.
