How do I get to feel confident and sexy in my body?
Even typing that out makes me emotional. This is probably one of my biggest hurdles. I don’t feel comfortable in my body, and I’m not sure how to grow that confidence. But I want to. Badly.
I’ve been listening to podcasts about it, and about confidence in general. Recently I listened to an episode from ‘How to Love Your Body’ about body dysmorphia. They talked about “body checking,” which is basically zooming in on the parts you don’t like and letting them run the show. I know that cycle well...my thighs, hips, stomach. They’ve had starring roles for years.
Social media doesn’t help. Sure, body diversity in the media is getting slightly better...SLIGHTLY. But the cultural ideal is still alive and well: tall, slim but with some curves, toned, smooth. How can women build confidence when we've been pummeled our whole lives with the message that only one kind of body is worthy?
And in my case, it’s tangled up with old relationships. Especially one in college where my worth felt completely tied to being sexually wanted. Bonus points if I could fit his exact fantasy. Spoiler: I never did. He cheated a lot, and I stayed. I learned young, maybe at fifteen, that love and emotional safety seemed to come through being desirable for the male gaze. That’s not easy to unlearn.
I’m active, I eat well, and still, there are mornings I look in the mirror and feel…off. And if I’m not feeling good in my skin, it’s hard to feel truly present during sex. It's hard to know what I want when I’m half-distracted by wondering how my stomach looks in that position. I want whatever I look like to be enough, but that sense of enoughness is still elusive. .
After my divorce and coming out, I’ve hidden my body more than I realized. Recently, I’ve been experimenting with showing more skin and embracing my femininity. Not for validation, but to reclaim it. I like being feminine. I want to invite more of that into my life and see if it shifts how I feel in my body.
We’ll never see ourselves the way others see us. But maybe by exploring this, I’ll start to see myself with more softness. More curiosity. Maybe even more desire.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
♡ Anna
